chemister

I've moved to a brand new blog. LiveJournal has palled me now. So, check out my neo-chemister blog.

http://chemister.wordpress.com/

Aku baru sahaja selesai menonton filem GIE di Youtube, sebuah filem patriotik Indonesia yang ditayangkan di layar perak sekitar tahun 2005. Sebuah filem yang aku kira hebat dari segi storyline, soundtrack dan macam-macam lagi. Filem ini segar dengan puisi2 yg mungkin ditulis sendiri oleh Gie (I'm not really sure how to spell his full name). Music soundtrack juga smooth dan original, sesuai dengan jalan ceritanya. Scene yg diambil sangat menarik, clear, angle yg bagus menambahkan mood utk menonton filem tersebut. Lakonan Nicolas Saputra sebagai Gie sangat berkesan dengan tutur kata yg lancar dan body language yg hebat...mmg memukau. Sesekali aku terfikir, kenapa Malaysia tak mampu nak hasilkan filem setaraf GIE. I'm not really sure about this sbb dah lama tak tgk filem Msia. But as far as I'm concern, the highest-rated filem Msia yg aku penah tgk ialah filem Cinta dan Gubra...tu pun tak setaraf GIE (personal opinion). Yang lain2, ehtahlaa, mood sama je. Tangkap leleh, jiwang karat, down. Well, I would like to see more of Msian film yg tip top. Hopefully, director2 filem Msia would think a little bit out of box. Be creative. Bajet mahal sket ape salahnye. Ni semua nak cut budget pastu terhasillah filem2 setengah star. Alrite fellas, enjoy this movie.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LSzTCcAfP-o

p/s: love the poems

A dude once told me, "Life is all about learning". Then, I nodded, showing my support of what he just said. For what it's worth, life is a learning process for everybody. What makes us different are how well we learn from that piece of our lives, how quick we adapt the changes and how creative we override the past to stimulate a better future. Each of us has our own stories - a great one to a sad one. Some people share their little secrets to the beloved  or the closest ones. Some others keep it inside, afraid/shy to tell anybody of what he has been through and what he feels towards others especially the special one. Doesn't matter. As long as he learned and keep on tracking what's missing and redo the whole thing with a new and much improved approach. Every bit of our lives is for the perfection on the next stage. Experiences are precious. Don't overlook, instead, employ them wisely for your immunity. You'll be good.

It has been a while, I know and I don't care. But this time, just to kill some minutes, since I don't feel like sleeping yet even though a lot of my energy (and money) have been wasted at Lodi this afternoon. Damn outlet, it's just irresistible. Anyhow, I've been thinking a lot lately, mostly about the future. A whole lot of things running across my mind especially getting jobs and stuff that I don't wanna mention here. Inappropriate, I guess. Naah, it's appropriate but I don't want to. Or maybe because of me. Huh, sometimes I just hate myself for not being able to tell what's on my mind. I'll feel insecure for telling something about myself to anybody else. Plus, I barely trust anybody I know. Sorry folks. I know some of you guys hate me too. Or should I say most? Do I care? Yes. But, there something in me whispering, DON'T CARE. Sometimes, I don't even trust myself. I hate to tell that, but yeah it's true. But I don't let that feeling linger long enough, I'll fight. To fight, I need to remind myself of what I hated, something sad, something pathetic, something painful that ever happened to me. Then, I become strong. I don't wanna lose. I don't want to be sad no more. Enough. Still, I'm not telling what's on my mind now. I'm incapable of doing that. I hate that. And that's ME. And YOU, thanks for wasting your time reading this stupid blog of mine. Am I crazy? Haha, no dude. This is just a blog.

It’s common nowadays that people don't have their own rigid decision. They tend to follow others more than to think what is best for them and yes, lack of self confidence resulting in ‘follow the followers’ syndrome. When everybody follows each other and nobody want to break the habit and stand up and lead, it’s helpless. Frankly said, these people won’t go anywhere. No offense, but this practice has been a routine to some of my fellow friends. It is very sad to say that we’re afraid of changes…changes that could bring much better future. We’re feeling safe in the comfort zone that we’re living currently and it results in the laziness to increase the physical and mental ability to achieve the best we could possibly get. Maybe you don’t get the point here, and I know I’m horrible at explaining stuff. But try to look around and see if this syndrome is happening. Well, it is happening. Read, think and act. Later.

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!

--Rudyard Kipling

Lack of confidence turns one’s life into confusion. Everything seems hazy. Hesitation of everything around. Wanting to know more. Yet afraid of losing any. Needing, craving for something that could help. But ain’t such thing. Kicking, screaming, panting to get out of the box…the box that obstructs the flavor of reality. Motivation, dare-to-be-great factor should be brought in…inside the mind, the heart…to ignite a momentum to cultivate the spirit.

Ever watched any of Bourne movies? Heck they are awesome. In the first episode, Jason Bourne was told that he was a failure; a million-dollar disappointment of a government project called…hmm…ah…forgot about it. But anyway, my point here is if you were in the same situation as Bourne, what would you feel? When you did not meet the expectation of the people who wasted a lot of money to see you in any circumstance, being able to be on top of everything, what would you think? What would you do? When your government spends a whole lot of money for your education and expecting you to be the future investment of the country, will you turn back the favor? What happened if you were trapped in a situation when you feel that you were used? Have you ever felt that you lived for others, and your job was to make others felt better even though you suffered inside? Lonely, maybe? You tried to fulfill the emptiness, but nobody cared. You tried to find somebody, but there is nobody. You need somebody, still…nobody’s there for you. Nobody understands you. You are alone. Then you don’t trust anybody. But you keep on trying. You tried, you failed. Over and over again. What would you do then?

Puisi

Akhirnya semua akan tiba pada suatu hari yang biasa
Pada suatu ketika yang telah lama kita ketahui
Apakah kau masih selembut dahulu
Memintaku minum susu dan tidur yang lelap
Sambil membenarkan letak leher kemejaku
Kabut tipis pun turun pelan-pelan dilembah kasih
Lembah bandalawangi
Kau dan aku tegak berdiri
Melihat hutan-hutan yang menjadi suram
Meresapi belaian angin yang menjadi dingin
Apakah kau masih membelaiku semesra dahulu
Ketika ku dekap
Kau dekaplah lebih mesra lebih dekat
Apakah kau masih akan berkata
Kudengar derap jantungmu
Kita begitu berbeda dalam semua
Kecuali dalam cinta.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=PAufvkiUScE

Ah…sudah tahun keempat aku di States…tp Ramadhan tetap mencabar iman. Kerjaku dengan makanan, sesekali terliur anak tekakku melihat mereka menjamah fries dan segelas pop. Namun aku kuatkan juga iman yg kian luntur. Bukan itu sahaja, cuaca panas yg sememangnya digilai Americans sedikit sebanyak berjaya mengurangkan pahala puasaku. Mengapa begitu singkat, ketat pakaian mereka? Panas? Huh…mengeluh sahajakah yg aku mampu?…Tidak…aku tetap cuba…dgn kudrat yg ada, aku cuba menahan gelora nafsu. Kalau dulu aku boleh, sekarang masakan tidak. Tahun ini lebih lagi, azamku kuat, niatku ikhlas, tujuanku betul…aku mahu apa yang aku inginkan…biar berkerut dahi, biar basah berpeluh…aku akan cuba. Mohon pertolonganMu Ya Rabbi, bantulah hambaMu yang lemah lagi dhaif ini.

Subhanallah…Maha Suci Allah yang menjadikan langit dan bumi dan seluruh alam, sesungguhnya aku kagum dgn kebesaranMu.

That 2-week-trip was one of the best days in my life. Mmg best… seronok… dan bermacam2 rasa timbul masa travel to the west side of the US. The sceneries were impressive…bukit, gunung, sungai, laut, sunset, sunrise…huh…sumenye aku tgk…aku taktau berapa kali aku sebut “WOW” masa travel tu…everything was beautiful. Sesungguhnya ciptaan Tuhan sangat indah…cantik. Sesekali terdetik dlm hati aku tentang kekerdilan manusia di muka bumi. Memang…memang kita sgt kecil kalau nak dibandingkan dgn ciptaan-Nya yg lain.

And also countless thanks to the travelers, u guys are awesome…I had lotsa fun hanging out with u guys…terima kasih kerana membuatkan aku terlupa tentang masalah2 aku…segala jokes yg membuatkan aku ketawa akan aku igt...segala senda gurau dan tawa kalian akan aku sematkan dlm minda aku…tak lupa akan personal stories kalian…hehe…akan aku simpan sebagai memori. And yes, it was the BEST SUMMER!!!

I don’t remember where I heard somebody said about “Why Guy” and “Why Not Guy”. I guess it’s in the movie “Pursuit of Happyness”…a pretty good movie…hmm..ok..about the phrase…it’s catchy and it means something. Just think for a second…are  u a “Why” kinda person or are u a “Why Not” person. A “Why” person questions everything that coming to him, keep on complaining stuff and say “oh…why me?…why not him?”. Urghh…that kinda person is a crappy one…always saying stuff bout others…selfish bastard…I wish I could hit that person right on his face…heh…anyway… “Why Not” person however a better one… do not blame others for what happens.. instead, soothing the chaos by acting cool…not a fake cool…but real…and make others feel better. This person is always thankful for what happens…no matter how trouble it is…he/she’ll be calm…relax…take it easy...So…which one fits you..? or should I say…which person do you wanna be?...think about it…

That night, I was wearing a light blue T with a black satin tuxedo vest, a tie, a black pants and a pair of black leather shoes. Not many people did that. Most people just put on their jeans and T without tucking it in. It was the Midwest Games 2007 closing ceremony. What it’s all about anyway. Well, the issue here is mentality. After the closing ceremony, I heard a couple of people mentioned, “skema giler”. I grinned. Nope. Actually, I wasn’t being ‘skema’. I was dressing up. Two different words but from two perspectives, it’s the same thing. Oh, what a world. Mentality Melayu still di tahap lama rupenye, walaupun dah dihantar ke over sea, pemikiran kita masih macam tu jugak. Aku tak nafikan memang susah nak ubah cara berfikir dan cara hidup, maklumla kite dah sebati dgn gaya hidup yg sama sejak dr kecil lagi. Tapi sekurang-kurangnye bile dah tgk dunia, dah kenal custom dan culture org, biarlah ade sedikit perubahan positif dlm pemikiran kite. Ape yg aku nampak, cara kite berfikir byk ke arah negative, aku akui aku pun mcm tu. For example, 'skema' is more to negative point of view but 'dress up' sounds positive dan berbentuk motivation. Hmm, at least aku sedar, aku belajar sket2 dan aku cuba ubah dan sama2la kite berubah kpd yg lebih baik. Anyway, this is just something to ponder. No offense.